Asda commissioned a survey of 2000 women to seemingly draw up an image of the stereotypical mum. My first thought was for the purpose of targeting their advertising to parents who already feel under-confident in their role but the second thought is wondering when the survey for dad's is going to be commissioned.
Anyway, it's all bullshit. Here's what I think...
Go to bed at 9pm every night | They long for a lie in | They can function on very little sleep | They learn to sleep on the edge of the bed because their child in asleep horizontally next to them | They'd rather get an early night than have a night out when the kids are at a sleepover | They can fall asleep anywhere | They are permanently knackered or 'wired' | They have 'mum' nights out | They panic about a late night
How much sleep does one adult need? Truthfully, if you're going to bed at 9pm you don't really need a lie-in and you can't really go to bed much earlier if the kids are sleeping out. No wonder there's no time to watch anything 'live' on TV. Co-sleeping? *does not compute* My bed is my space and the kids were always returned to their own bed. As for falling asleep anywhere or panicking about a late night then I'd put the kibosh on 'mum nights out'.
They know all the words to popular kids TV theme tunes | They know the name of characters from kids TV | The kids TV channels are always on when they have visitors | Always watch TV through catch-up of Sky+ - never live
If we weren't clued up on the kids TV shows how else would we be able to express horror at the Daily Mail reports of the downward spiral of Miley Cyrus' life? And *newsflash* not all of us rely on kid's TV programmes as a form of entertainment.
Always have tissue in their handbag | Always have a box of raisins or snacks in their handbag | Nappies are always in their handbag | They always have a pack of wet wipes to hand | Always carry a massive bag or multiple bags
We have to have a huge bag to fit all that extra crap in, don't we...
Never go anywhere without a phone 'just in case' | Social media post are suddenly all baby pictures | Have a photo of their children as a screensaver
Of course we don't leave our phone anywhere. How else would we share hourly updates on social media otherwise? And we have to have lots and lots of photos to be able to choose a good screensaver, don't we?
Super organised | They have a massive family organiser on the wall
Organisation is key to actually getting things done and being in certain places at specific times. I presume lots of people who aren't mums are 'super organised' too and people don't just wander around aimlessly hoping to reach their destination at some point in the near future.
Going for comfort over style when choosing what to wear | They own lots of comfy shoes | Bigger pants are more comfortable
God forbid my comfortable clothes might not be stylish and the fact that I might want to wear flats once in a while. And is VPL on trend now?
They swear under their breath | They say 'sugar' and 'fudge' instead of swearing
We absolutely fucking don't. Introducing children to swearing and encouraging a wide vocabulary is necessary. In fact, I'm sure I've invented brand new swearwords over the years.
Have a strong opinion on schooling and education
Because, as a parent (not just a mum) it's MY JOB to ensure my child gets the best available.
They buy gallons of milk
Because gallons of milk are drunk... as they are by teenagers and grown-ups.
They have a cupboard dedicated to medicines
It's called a "medicine cabinet". Or where else would you keep your medicines? In the shed?
Accidentally cut sandwiches into triangles
ALL sandwiches should be cut into triangles. You have less crust corners and the pointy bits mean you can get a better bite out of them.
They know all the words to irritating pop songs
Actually, we don't. I thought Bruno Mars was saying "masturbate" and not "masterpiece" until a couple of days ago.
Jiggling the shopping trolley as if it was a buggy when they're in the supermarket
If Asda made shopping trolley wheels that didn't veer off at random angles there would be no fucking need to jiggle.
They get drunk quicker on one glass of wine
There is not enough wine in the world to be able to cope with being a mother, especially when exposed to survey results like this...
If you want to read a much better response to this survey then have a look at The Kraken Wakes' rant.