Debunking Bullshit Survey Results

debunking bullshit survey results, clickbait,
Asda commissioned a survey of 2000 women to seemingly draw up an image of the stereotypical mum.  My first thought was for the purpose of targeting their advertising to parents who already feel under-confident in their role but the second thought is wondering when the survey for dad's is going to be commissioned.  

Anyway, it's all bullshit.  Here's what I think... 

Go to bed at 9pm every night | They long for a lie in | They can function on very little sleep | They learn to sleep on the edge of the bed because their child in asleep horizontally next to them | They'd rather get an early night than have a night out when the kids are at a sleepover | They can fall asleep anywhere | They are permanently knackered or 'wired' | They have 'mum' nights out | They panic about a late night
How much sleep does one adult need? Truthfully, if you're going to bed at 9pm you don't really need a lie-in and you can't really go to bed much earlier if the kids are sleeping out. No wonder there's no time to watch anything 'live' on TV. Co-sleeping? *does not compute*  My bed is my space and the kids were always returned to their own bed. As for falling asleep anywhere or panicking about a late night then I'd put the kibosh on 'mum nights out'. 

They know all the words to popular kids TV theme tunes | They know the name of characters from kids TV | The kids TV channels are always on when they have visitors | Always watch TV through catch-up of Sky+ - never live
If we weren't clued up on the kids TV shows how else would we be able to express horror at the Daily Mail reports of the downward spiral of Miley Cyrus' life?  And *newsflash* not all of us rely on kid's TV programmes as a form of entertainment.

Always have tissue in their handbag | Always have a box of raisins or snacks in their handbag | Nappies are always in their handbag | They always have a pack of wet wipes to hand | Always carry a massive bag or multiple bags
We have to have a huge bag to fit all that extra crap in, don't we... 

Never go anywhere without a phone 'just in case' | Social media post are suddenly all baby pictures | Have a photo of their children as a screensaver
Of course we don't leave our phone anywhere. How else would we share hourly updates on social media otherwise?  And we have to have lots and lots of photos to be able to choose a good screensaver, don't we?

Super organised | They have a massive family organiser on the wall 
Organisation is key to actually getting things done and being in certain places at specific times. I presume lots of people who aren't mums are 'super organised' too and people don't just wander around aimlessly hoping to reach their destination at some point in the near future.

Going for comfort over style when choosing what to wear | They own lots of comfy shoes | Bigger pants are more comfortable
God forbid my comfortable clothes might not be stylish and the fact that I might want to wear flats once in a while. And is VPL on trend now?  

They swear under their breath | They say 'sugar' and 'fudge' instead of swearing
We absolutely fucking don't. Introducing children to swearing and encouraging a wide vocabulary is necessary.  In fact, I'm sure I've invented brand new swearwords over the years. 

Have a strong opinion on schooling and education
Because, as a parent (not just a mum) it's MY JOB to ensure my child gets the best available. 

They buy gallons of milk
Because gallons of milk are drunk... as they are by teenagers and grown-ups.

They have a cupboard dedicated to medicines
It's called a "medicine cabinet". Or where else would you keep your medicines? In the shed? 

Accidentally cut sandwiches into triangles
ALL sandwiches should be cut into triangles. You have less crust corners and the pointy bits mean you can get a better bite out of them.

They know all the words to irritating pop songs
Actually, we don't. I thought Bruno Mars was saying "masturbate" and not "masterpiece" until a couple of days ago. 

Jiggling the shopping trolley as if it was a buggy when they're in the supermarket
If Asda made shopping trolley wheels that didn't veer off at random angles there would be no fucking need to jiggle.   

They get drunk quicker on one glass of wine
There is not enough wine in the world to be able to cope with being a mother, especially when exposed to survey results like this...

If you want to read a much better response to this survey then have a look at The Kraken Wakes' rant.

You Need To Pay It Forward

Sometimes I worry about the way in which people use social media and how far it can reach. About a week ago a Facebook post "went viral" (i.e. was shared beyond the immediate friendship group and gained a lot of interest); it told of a young mum who wanted to track down a kind stranger after receiving a note from him on a train.  

[Quick recap: a man handed a young mum a note scribbled on a scrap of paper congratulating her on the way in which she was raising her child after watching her encourage his manners, her interaction with him and the way in which she offered up his seat to someone on the train when her son fell asleep. The kindly stranger also included a £5 note with his message and told her to buy herself a drink.  It's important to understand that he gave her this gift as he was leaving the train and made every effort not to identify himself]

The media quickly became involved with reports of the Facebook post appearing in many digital versions of online newspapers, the young lady appeared in a morning magazine show on television and everyone wanted to track down the kindly stranger. Other than his handwriting and knowing which station he alighted at, there were no other clues.

For whatever reason (peer/media pressure?), the mystery stranger has identified himself and the whole of the UK stands up and applauds him. There has been an emotional reunion between him and the young mum (with her son) live on the same morning magazine show and it's a lovely happy ending. 

Or is it?

There's two levels to this.  As a parent, it is my job to teach my child(ren) good manners, to interact with them, to ensure that they show respect to their elders. And that's all that this young mum was doing - and doing it very well by all accounts. In an era where we are exposed, via the very same media, to the horrors of what goes on behind closed doors, it makes me want to hug my off-spring a little bit closer and it makes me proud that they are fine, upstanding humans and I know that was because of the way in which I raised them. That's not a brag, it's a matter of fact. 

The second level is that random acts of kindness are just that and don't need a national campaign to hunt down the provider to say thank you.  A random act of kindness is opening a door for someone and letting them pass through before you (there's also a huge amount of manners involved in that too), a smile at a passer-by on a grotty day, leaving a car park ticket that has an hour left on it stuck to the machine, paying for a coffee for the next person in the queue, the picking of a few flowers from the garden and giving them to a neighbour... and I'm sure you can think of many other random acts of kindness. 

If you're the lucky recipient of a random act of kindness, by all means brag about it on your Facebook page or your Twitter account - it warms the heart of every single person who reads it.  But do you want to know the best way to repay a random act of kindness?  It's simple - pay it forward. Go forth and continue the chain of kindness and create a minute or two of happiness in someone else's life - just not through a national media campaign. It will return to you eventually in ways that you can't imagine

(P.S. Here's when it happened to me)

Being A Sport's Widow Means I Get 'Me Time'

As I write this, I am sat in an empty house. This is my 'me time'. 

Over the past few (*cough* 20 or so *cough*) years you can bet I have done my fair share of weekend ferrying around to many football clubs, dance classes and gymnastic tournaments however, as the adults in the house we were never really the sporty types... until recently.

It is now just after Saturday lunch time, I joined my running group early this morning for a gentle five kilometre run then I came home and did the usual chores around the house and made lunch for everyone.  

The reason the house is empty is because my husband and son have driven to their shooting club in the next town. After seeing the rifle competitions at the Olympics in 2012, my youngest became really interested in the sport.  And yes, shooting IS a sport. The club teaches about conentration, discipline and respect in such a dangerous sport plus the boys can go and do their father/son bonding whilst being all manly and talking about different types of rifles and other stuff that bores me to tears.  
Having these few hours to myself means that I can tie up all those loose ends that seem to straggle themselves across the week.  Jobs that are tedious or just got forgotten about, blog posts that can be written or planned, watching a few YouTube videos and maybe even filming a couple of my own and - the ultimate in 'me time' - having a bath with NO interruptions.  I light a fragranced candle, gather my Kindle and a luxurious bubble bath and just soak until all my skin goes wrinkly.  Then I top up the hot water and chill out for another half an hour. 

I look forward to this time each week, as I know they do. Having our own interests is just as important to us as it is to do activities together as a family.  

This is a featured post. Please see my disclosure policy for more details. 

#StationeryWednesday - Does Your Stationery Have A Theme?

#StationeryWednesday - Does Your Stationery Have A Theme?
The world is definitely split into those that understand the pull of stationery and those that only use it in a practical sense.  At the start of the year, I realised that I was leaning more to a green theme with my stationery for 2015; green ink in my pen, a turquoise Leuchtturm notebook, a green desk diary...

Unintentionally, I've turned into a bit of a Paperways fangirl and appear to be working my way through their stock on the Bureau Direct website.  To date, I own the London themed mini-notebooks, the Parisian post-it notes, the A5 hexagon notepad and the hexagon keyboard pad and I have my eye on a few other pieces.

This brand - which originates from South Korea - totally fits in with my theory that stationery should be fun, functional and affordable (almost total alliteration there).  But it was only during a Google Hangout with Penny that I realised I had so many of their products - and so did she - but just look how fantastic they all are. The Far East definitely has the market cornered when it comes to stationery.

I've been using the keyboard jotpad in my home office for scribbling reminders on and with 50 pages in the pad, it's going to last the full year (everyone's entitled to two weeks holiday...). When you've finished one week you just rip off the top sheet and start again on the next week.  As I mentioned in the chat with Penny, though, I would like each "day" to be perforated so that I could tear it off and use the notes as reminders in my diary or journal.  So useful though!

#StationeryWednesday - Does Your Stationery Have A Theme?

Also, if you're coming to The BlogOn conference in Manchester in May, look out for me carrying my presentation notes in one of the gorgeous document folders from SemiKolon. I have the lime coloured one, again to go with my green theme for the year.  I also have stashed my Mark's Storage It notebook (as seen in the video above) to take with me so that I can scribble notes from the other speaker presentations.  

#stationerywednesday - SemiKolon storage from Bureau Direct

Because this is a blogger/brand relationship with Bureau Direct, here's a link to my disclosure policy. You can also sign up for the Bureau Direct #StationeryWednesday newsletter which is delivered each week with an exclusive 10% discount code at the beginning of each month.

My Application To Run Prince Charles' Twitter Account

Dear Sir,

I write with reference to your advertised post of employment for Digital Engagement Officer at Clarence House. I enclose my current CV for your consideration and propose the following digital activities. 

On Twitter, one will not only broadcast engagements as they happen in a live-feed situation but one will also respond to one's followers.  One will include content from other platforms (noted below) that will enable one to connect further with one's subjects.  We will create a parody account for 'all the LOLz' and allow occasional photoshopped images, Royally-related memes and WTF style updates to be presented alongside 'that may actually be true' style extreme tweets.

One should be considering using Vine to broadcast for six seconds as, in the modern digital world, your subjects are short on time. One will use these short video updates as teasers for bigger and better content on Twitter and YouTube but they will not be six seconds of your (in)famous "Err" as these are now notoriously clipped out of video content.

I suggest that one creates a presence on YouTube with the concentration on creating a lifestyle feel to the channel.  Monday would see your "Haul From Harrods" in which the Royal Household staff lay out one's weekly shop on the kitchen work surfaces explain each item individually with the reason for the purchase. We could even incorporate some Recipe Of The Day content for Pinterest and one's website.  Wednesday would feature an OOTD (Outfit Of The Day) from Camilla; this would be backed up by exclusive shots on Instagram.  A quarterly fashion 'Look Book' at the beginning of each season would be filmed with a small digital camera, arty angle shots and an occasional camera flip-round to show one's self to prove that you are indeed the film-maker.  Friday's broadcast would also produce a vlog from Camilla which covers health and beauty Tips From The Top. I envisage a partnership with Eggleston Hall Finishing School and occasional guest appearances from Gill Harbord and Rosemary Shrager.

One may be wondering why I have not, as yet, mentioned Facebook or Google Plus? These platforms will become a 'dumping ground' for content produced on faster moving platforms. Clever use of phrases and keywords will ensure that one's presence is still felt on these channels with very little need for engagement. Shoot-off pages on both of these platforms for interesting personal activities would be created; these may include one's book writing and one's theory on plant well-being through conversation. 

At some point in the future, and as ones social popularity wanes, it will be necessary to create secondary accounts for all the above mentioned digital platforms.  'Official' content will remain on the original channels and we will create a campaign to show more relaxed and personal content on the new channels. This may include showing one babysitting the grandchildren, duckface and 'head together' selfie shots with family members and teaser presentations of a new pocket handkerchief from yourself or a handbag from Camilla. At this point, and also to show how normal life behind Palace doors is, it would be advisable to arrange an audition to become the new Gogglebox family. This would give one's all-round media presence a boost without any financial investment.

The most important aspect of my employment is to ensure that we collectively create shareable content and one connects with ones subjects to bring the esteemed Royal Household into 2015 and to ensure that your future ascension to the British throne will provide a modern and engaged King.  

Sincerely your subject
Nickie O'Hara