How to Find Healing in Relationships After Trauma

It is unfortunate that some of us suffer trauma from various experiences including past relationships. Post-trauma effects make it difficult for people to focus in life, and settling down in a relationship can be an uphill task. Since all people deserve a healthy relationship, you need to understand the best ways to deal with this experience. All experts strive to make people understand that life must move on and a person deserves to be happy no matter what. When engaging in a relationship, your past trauma should not be a hindrance to its success.

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Love Yourself More

Before you let anyone else love you, you need to love yourself. Do not let what happened in the past ground you with depression. Start by giving yourself the best you deserve including vacations and the best shopping you can afford as you look for your perfect match. If the primary cause of the past trauma is a bad relationship that even threatened your life, the best thing is to fall in love again with yourself.

Let Yourself See the Beautiful Future Ahead

No matter what happened, the future still has a lot to offer. Apart from getting a new relationship, which should remain an open option, you have a career to take care of, family and friends to interact with, as well as the entire world to enjoy. All of these things should make you forget and begin the strategies of settling into a new relationship. This should be the time to focus on matters that will shape your future for the best. If you need help, your friends will be glad to assist. Better still, find a trained counselor.

Choose Your Partner Carefully

There are many avenues of getting a perfect match. Today, online dating websites such as bring people together in a straightforward way. They encourage using profiles that give more information about you so that interested people can connect with you. If you are not comfortable looking at any of these platforms, social media also brings people together, but you need to take your time getting to knowing each other. Additionally, you can encourage socializing at events and other functions as you look for a perfect partner.

A Good Relationship Heals

If you take enough time to choose the perfect partner, then your life should start to become brighter. Healthy relationships can heal any trauma, but only when the affected partner allow this to happen. It is recommended that you open up to your newly found partner as soon as possible to avoid disappointments when a stronger bond has been created. They will have a lot to encourage you with including their presence in your life.

Allow Your Partner to Show Love and Compassion

One can choose what they will receive from their partner. If you decide to remain dull and haunted by past traumatic experiences, it may become difficult for them to show love and compassion. When you open your heart for them, then they will start a healing process in you through their love and care. There is nothing better than finding a healing relationship after suffering trauma, but the larger role is played by you.

How to Find Healing in Relationships After Trauma | When engaging in a relationship, your past trauma should not be a hindrance to its success.


The Chapel Of Bones

The Chapel Of Bones, Alcantarilha, Portugal

When I agreed to go to church on Christmas Eve, this isn't exactly what I had in mind. However, we were experiencing a less-than-traditional Christmas by spending it away from our family, in a hotel in the Algarve.  

We had heard about the Capela dos Ossos (Chapel of Bones) in Alcantarilha and worked out that it was about 20 minutes drive away from where we were staying.  Alcantarilha is a beautiful, traditional Portuguese village full of colourful houses on winding, steep roads that are just wide enough for one car to drive down. The cafes and bars display local sporting trophies and team photos and everyone knows everyone.  

a painted house in the village of Alcantarilha, Portugal | The Chapel Of Bones, Alcantarilha, Portugal

Looking up to a back street chapel in Alcantarilha, Portugal | The Chapel Of Bones, Alcantarilha, Portugal

But right at the top of the main street, next to the main church, is the Capela dos Ossos - built in the 16th Century, the walls are covered in thousands of bones and skulls from the old churchyard cemetery. There  is supposed to be a wooden cross displayed on the small altar however that wasn't there on the day we visited and I'm not sure if it has been removed permanently. 

The Chapel Of Bones, Alcantarilha, Portugal  The Chapel Of Bones, Alcantarilha, Portugal

The Chapel Of Bones, Alcantarilha, Portugal

The Chapel Of Bones, Alcantarilha, Portugal

It may seem a bit macabre but it's not really gory - especially when you find out that it was built to preserve the remains of their dead. There are a few boards outside the chapel which detail the local history - a really interesting read. The church was also erected in the 16th Century and the altar displays an 18th Century wooden sculpture of Nossa Senhora da Conceicao (the Immaculate Conception).

the church next to The Chapel Of Bones, Alcantarilha, Portugal

Advice : The chapel is in a small village about 20-30 minutes drive outside of Albufeira.  We were expecting it to be the size of a church but it is very much an annex next to the main Catholic church. This isn't a day trip out - more of an hour's mooch around in an afternoon - however the village is very picturesque - so visit if you decide to hire a car and have a drive around the region. Alternatively, it will cost approximately €20 each way in a taxi. 


How does money affect relationships?

Money makes the world go round but it shouldn’t just be for getting from one week to the next without touching your overdraft. Instead, you should see money as the best way to achieve your goals and ambitions as well as have a little bit of fun.

Budgeting is a really important part of money management as it can be used to project your future worth as well as allocate funds for specific areas of your life. While lots of people think of budgeting as a negative thing that only happens when you are falling short, you should think of it instead as lots of dedicated pots of money, all for you to spend wisely. In short, everyone should have a sensible budget.

Within your budget, you should account for all your basic needs such as rent, groceries and bills as well as your financial goals including savings and investments. But, you should also give yourself some money to play with. This money can only come out of your disposable income (don’t choose fun over electricity!) but it will show you what you have to spend on luxuries like dining out, going to the cinema or playing online games - whatever floats your boat.

Shepherds Friendly recently carried out some research looking into how does money affect relationships and collaborated with relationship expert, Becky Spelman, to analyse the results.  There's a full infographic below but here's a few surprising results: 

  • 36.1% of women think money plays a part in how attractive they find a partner whereas only 24% of men do.
  • 68% of men agree men should pay on a date night however only 41.9% of women agree that men should pay.
  • 31.4% of women think that how much their partner earns is important in terms of pursing a relationship - 22.4% of men agree.

When you have a budget in place, you get to decide how you spend it each month. However, just because you know that this money is essentially for fun, doesn’t mean that you should stop looking for the best deal or spend for the sake of it. If you can manage your budget smartly, keep your bad habits reigned in and maybe even earn a little extra on the side, you can give yourself a fantastic lifestyle without breaking the bank.

This is a collaborative post. For more information please see my disclosure policy.

When tech dreams become reality

Ever looked at a new piece of technology and thought that it wouldn’t look out of place in a science fiction film? Actually, as it turns out, that's where it may have come from...

As the speed of development in science and technology grows ever faster, the latest gadgets are becoming more accessible than ever. Once the preserve of the young and rich, more and more people are able to play a part in this technological revolution – including the elderly.

According to the Office for National Statistics, there has been a sizeable increase in the number of people age over 65 who are using a computer on a daily basis. The benefits of technology for this demographic are clear; it’s much easier to stay in touch with friends and family (leading to reduced feelings of loneliness and isolation) and access services which may be of benefit.

Just as the technology of the present inspires older generations, so films of the past are inspiring exciting new technologies. Films and technology have long been linked. The science fiction area of the 1950s and 1960s added fuel to the fire of the space race and now technology that was once the stuff of dreams is entering the realm of reality.

Taking inspiration from TechRadar’s 10 amazing bits of future movie tech that already exist – here is a snapshot of what happens when tech dreams become reality.

Yesterday’s dreams are tomorrow’s gadgets

It’s funny to think that the tablet computer first made an appearance in the 1968 film 2001: A Space Odyssey - just one example of how the dreams of yesterday are the gadgets of tomorrow. In fact, many of our favourite tech goodies were actually the work of fiction before some intelligent soul saw fit to make all our dreams come true.

From "clap on" lights in Bruce Almighty to a personal toast dispenser in Wallace and Gromit, once upon a time the thought of being able to control your household objects was only a dream but now it's available in almost every home with gadgets such as Chromecast and Amazon Echo.

Everything is super

Incredibly, the US army is even attempting to develop an exoskeleton suit not dissimilar to the one worn by Iron Man. With superheroes a popular topic in both written media and film, it’s clear that future technological developments will put a clear focus on all things ‘super’.This suit isn’t the only item from films to be attempted in reality either. The hand from the Terminator movies, for example, could mark a huge step forward for prosthetic limbs as experts look at ways to bring this element of fiction to life.

Unparalleled freedom

Even the sci-fi staple of a futuristic driverless car may not be that far from making its debut on real- life roads. Google has already having tested a prototype of this technology on the streets of San Francisco, while Ford are developing a car that takes control of the steering if you’re about to crash.We might not quite be whizzing around on hoverboards or travelling through time, but technology that awes us in the cinema is slowly beginning to infiltrate the real world and prove, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that anything really is possible when you put your mind to it.

When tech dreams become reality - Have you ever looked at a new piece of technology and thought that it wouldn’t look out of place in a science fiction film? Actually, as it turns out, that's where it may have come from...


Planning in 2019

I know my usual January 'what planner am I using' blog post is a little late this year but I've been working on a couple of new systems and trying out new products so I wanted to settle into everything before I shared pictures and thoughts. Here goes...

Planning in 2019 - planners that I'm using

Daily Diary

I've moved away from my Filofax (shock, horror - I know!) and into a travelers notebook system.  I've talked about these before because they suit my need to carry a diary and a notebook with me as a BOAT (Book Of All Things).  I've sized up my travelers notebook this year and I'm using the Trekker from Jofelo that I reviewed here.  I bought my own inserts from The Journal Shop (week on one page with notes) which I use as a diary and a bullet journal and then I have a separate notebook for personal phone numbers, information I need to regularly refer to, braindumps - that sort of thing.

Planning in 2019 - Trekker from Jofelo - travelers notebook

Planning in 2019 - Trekker from Jofelo - travelers notebook

Chorley FM Planner

I was lucky enough to secure a monthly Saturday morning radio show with Chorley FM last year (maybe soon to be twice-monthly?) with my running pal, Rowena. It's called Wake Up To The Weekend. Now, Rowena tends to wing it a little bit but I have to plan every show with a rough outline of what we can talk about.  I use this beautiful notebook from Castelli which has lined paper.  I use a double page spread for each show - left had side for time splits, right hand side for extra notes. I jot down notes throughout the month then plan everything properly a couple of day before the show.

Planning in 2019 - notebook from Castelli

Effici Planner

I was sent the Effici Planner to review a couple of weeks ago.  It's a hard-cover, undated, A4, three month planner designed to help you become more productive and achieve your personal and business goals by tracking habits, defining daily goals and tackling to-do lists. 

Efficiency : noun, plural ef·fi·cien·cies. the state or quality of being efficient, or able to accomplish something with the least waste of time and effort; competency in performance [from]
Planning in 2019 - Effici Planner

It's a quarterly subscription service so every three months you are sent a new planner with separate daily habit trackers (I wish these were bound into the book but I guess they are separate so that they are portable and can be used on the go.  The pack is designed to look professional so that you can take it anywhere and maximise productivity easily. 

I'm actually going to use mine for my running and weight-loss journey. I can meal plan, route plan, track eating/drinking habits, keep a record of my running times and look back to ensure that I'm always striving for improvement by seeing what works and what doesn't. I'm also going to use it to record my three positive actions each day in line with using my Thinking Slimmer slimpods. 

Planning in 2019 - Effici Planner

Family Calendars

I originally bought Shaifq Khan's calendar which is full of pictures of Blackburn. He has a talent for making what I see every day look beautiful.  Then my daughter bought me a llama calendar for Christmas because "she thought it would make me laugh".  She's right - it does!! I'm using both - one is in the kitchen and one in my home office. 

Planning in 2019- Llamas Calendar

Planning in 2019 - Calendar of Blackburn by Shaifq Khan

So there it all is. It's probably a bit OTT but this is drastically trimmed down from my old systems.  The "live, love, shine" clipboard in the picture was my Secret Santa present from work and it's a pad of to-do lists so I'll leave that in the lounge for notes. I also use Google Calendar on my phone for reminders on the go and I have a separate diary at work.  I'll stop now because I probably look obsessive about planning! But please do let me know what you're using this year. 

Planning in 2019 : My annual blog post showing what planners I'm using for this year. I've been working on a couple of new systems and trying out new products so I wanted to settle into everything before I shared pictures and thoughts.

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