I Wish I Was As Fat As I Used To Be When I Thought I Was Fat

You know that saying : "I wish I was as fat as I was when I thought I was fat"? It keeps coming back to haunt me. I thought long and hard about posting this side-by-side picture but I want to be accountable and I need a goal.
side by side photo of me - one now and one when I was thinner
[L] yesterday [R] May 2018

A couple of years ago I lost 2.5 stone (32lb - the picture on the right) and knew I still needed to lose more but I was starting to enjoy the results I was seeing; clothes were fitting better and my running was improving. Fast forward to the end of 2019 and I got a bit sloppy with the food and alcohol consumption and a few pounds crept back on. Not a problem - I could tackle that after Christmas and New Year plus I had a holiday to look forward to.

Enter, stage right, Coronavirus and national lockdown, where I consoled myself with more food and alcohol, had an excuse not to go running and spent every day without a routine whilst furloughed from work. Oh, and I now had no holiday to look forward to. 

But this picture on the left, taken yesterday after a fantastic trail run and hill rep session with my groovy gang really shook me up. I knew the weight was there but it's landed in places that it's never been before. I'm not the shape I thought I was or want to be, and that needs to change.

I've been inspired by a number of people recently (aside from my usual cheerleaders who have always got my back). These are people like Ramona doing her 100 parkruns in 100 days (listen to her interview at Ribble FM here from 27 mins) who told me to follow my heart and my legs will follow, and Rachel Gully whose self-love bootcamp I am participating in at the moment. 

I don't hate myself (Rachel has already taught me that in such a short space of time) but I do want to change myself to feel better about that. Some of that involves losing weight, some of it means that I have to change my mindset to accept myself as I hurtle towards the age of 50! It means altering habits, preparing a new routine, eating better, and stop beating myself up over what I see as failures - they are just mere bumps in the road. 

Tomorrow is a fresh start.