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It's Listography time again and this week it's all about those phrases that drive me mad. I've been told I absolutely have to stick to five this time and that is why I'm late posting. I had about fifteen at the first count, whittled down to eight by yesterday and this is the final cut.
So, in no particular order...
1. Anyone who uses a catchphrase from The Only Way Is Essex to describe something... like 'reem' or 'well jel'.
Just Shuuuut Uuuuup There's a reason these people are only allowed on non-terrestrial television. It's to limit their contact with intelligent human beings.
2. "Om nom nom."
Really? You can't say, "tasty" or "delicious". You're an adult talking to another adult, for fuck's sake!
(I'm going to get lynched for this one...)
3. "It must be a computer error, ma'am."
It's the bloody humans that programmed the computers, dickhead!
4. Those people who call me 'Hun' or 'Chick' on social media platforms.
I have idea where/how it started but frigging stop it! I'm a 39 year old grandparent. Come to think of it I don't even like the terms 'chick flick' (f'nar) or 'chick lit'.
5. "It was in the last place I looked".
What really fucking normal person is going to carry on looking AFTER they have found their lost item?
To see what didn't didn't make the cut put your cursor here...
~ "Can you be at an event in London in two days time for an event that is going to last 1.5 hours?"
~ "I'm not being funny/rude/personal but..."
~ "No offence, but..."
~ "That awkward moment when [insert awkward moment that's probably made up]"
~ examples of text speak and bad spelling
...and drag to here.