Jake-isms

Child #3 has always been a little bit more "advanced" than the other two, purely because of his inquisitive nature, but also because of what he half-hears through not concentrating very much and his ADHD.  He also has a special bond with his father because Kev has been the at-home parent for the majority of Jake's life and I think that Kev now appreciates how bloody hard it is to raise children and all the hard work I put in with the older two.  Anyway, they are as bad as each other for taking things at face value, as I attempt to prove here:










From Jake's Literacy book, read on Parent's Evening:
Henry VIII has six wives but only wanted a son so he had six problems.


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After hearing a news item about AIDS he asked the obvious question and his dad did a fairly good job of explaining, in age appropriate language. that AIDS is a blood-related illness and that it's usually contracted through sexual contact. He didn't want to go into too much detail because he is still quite young (but has done "the birds and the bees" at school already).  So... there's a bit of thinking time.... and he says...
"So does mum have AIDS?"
Kev replies with "*splutter* No, mate, she doesn't. Why do you ask."
Jake says, "Well, she's had sex three times to have us so she's got a good chance, hasn't she?"
Back to the drawing board with the explanation of that one, I think.


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One day I was walking down the stairs and there he was. lying on the stairs, really close to the wall.  In fact, I almost stood on his head.  I asked him what he was doing. 
He said "trying to camoflauge!"


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Out of the blue he came out with "Dad, what's a 'hooker'?"


Erm.... well, son, it's another name for a prostitute. Do you remember when we were talking about that lady on the news the other day who was hurt by the horrible man?

A PROSTITUTE! OH RIGHT - I THOUGHT IT WAS SOMETHING TO DO WITH RUGBY. I'LL HAVE TO TELL MRS SMITH TOMORROW!!!!

Ah, um.... er..... no..... ha ha ha.... Your teacher might be right, love....... soooooooooo you're doing rugby in PE, yeah?



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And finally, when father and son were walking home one afternoon from the doctors surgery Jake recognised the area that they were walking through and talked his dad into taking a short-cut home that he'd been shown once or twice.

"Come this way, Dad. I know a short cut"

"How?"

"Remember when Rachel took me to the park. She took me back through Gally" (an area of town nearby)

"Ok, then. Up here?"

So they trekked through the park (slightly muddy, but clothes wash, don't they?) and got to the "short cut".

"Right, Dad. You just have to crouch down here and climb through."

"I'LL NOT GET THROUGH THERE - I'M 6 FOOT 3 AND 17 STONE!!!"

"Look, Dad. Just breathe in and wriggle, like me. It works."

Kev managed to fit ONLY his head through the "short cut" so Jake gave in and they decided to walk back to the road and go the "long way round".

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