The Body Is Back

Pipe down fellas, I didn't mean Elle McPherson but you may want to stick around to read the rest of this post.
A link flashed up in my Facebook feed earlier and I gawped in horror... THE BODY is back and this time it's being used as OUTERWEAR and not underwear!! 
Now, I'm no fashonista but the last time I wore one of these was in the early 1990's and it was one of the most uncomfortable experiences that I have ever had.
  • They are never long enough for my body
  • The "smooth lines" they create just emphasise all the flaws; the lumps and bumps
  • Fastening them up requires me to become a contortionist and fold myself in half somehow.  And if, god forbid, I'm wearing my glasses, as soon as I bend over and look between my legs then the glasses slide down my nose and swing from my ears rendering me almost blind
  • Going to the toilet is impossible as I have to re-create Point #3 
  • They unfasten at the most inopportune times
  • I'm forever picking the material out from between my arse cheeks
So, rest assured, I won't be purchasing anything remotely "clingy" or "fitted" or body-shaped in the near future - I wouldn't subject you to that.  However, in a weirdly connected way, kudos to Katy Brand for her performance on Saturday on Let's Dance For Sport Relief.  This is how the slightly larger women can look FAB-U-LOUS in a leotard.

Footnote:  Do NOT search for "body stocking" on Google, on a work computer, without the safe search activated.