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Today my 14-year old son (J) came home from school with a story. First a little background. He has a girlfriend (A), a sweet girl he's been friends with for quite a while but they've only been a couple for four months. She's not his first girlfriend. She's a year younger than him. They spend quite a bit of time together, they go to the same school and hang about with the same group of friends. I've know they were a couple from two hours after they started going out together. We've met her mum, at her request. But I know the girl really well - she's been around at ours a lot and is always quite chatty.
So, back to today. J told me that school had rung A's mum and asked her if she was aware that she and J were an item. They asked for her mum to come into school so that they could have a chat. Which she did. At this meeting, they suggested that A was put on contraceptives. They spoke about teenage pregnancy.
Now I know I can't say for sure what was said at that meeting. I can kind of understand why they would choose to contact parents when they become aware of a relationship as not all parents are like me. I know A's mum was quite apprehensive when she first found out about the two of them, but J has now become a part of their family. I know the school have the knowledge, the contacts and the advice to hand.
My issue is with the fact that they never contacted me. To me, I felt like they considered my son a sexual predator. That they should be making A and her mum aware of the "dangers". They also enforced the stereotype that contraception is a woman's concern. No mention was made to my son to protect himself against STDs or AIDS, nor the fact that preventing pregnancy was as much his job as hers.
I did sit my son down and have a "talk". I stressed how important contraception was and the dangers of STDs. I asked that he talk to someone (preferrably me, but anyone) before he make big decisions.
Is this commonplace in secondary schools now? Am I overreacting? As a mum of only boys, do I see the issue differently? I'm at a loss as to what to do next. Should I speak to A's mum? Contact the school? I was so angry initially, but now I think I just want some validation.