Blognonymous : I have bipolar. I'm Sorry

Blognonymous exists for lots of reasons.  It started out with six bloggers offering their own blog space when fellow bloggers felt they couldn't 'talk' in their own personal corner of the world wide web, for whatever reason.

This contribution is from a blogger that many of you may know.  She originally wanted to say straight out who she is but we believe that retaining anonymity is important.  It gives you much more freedom to write.  However, in her own words, she doesn't want you to "just fuck off and get on with your day" - she wants to use this 'safe space' to interact with the people she misses.  If you comment, she will read and reply. 

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I have bipolar.  I haven't known long.

I spiralled out of control over the second half of last year after having some great (read: manic) ideas which became delusional and by Christmas I had crashed and burned.

You see, the narcissistic side of my mental illness wants you to know who is writing this, where I have been, what I am doing, why I am not writing, why I have been hiding away, why I am not replying to your messages.  But I do not want my family to know and therefore will not update my blog.

And the miserable, self-depreciating side of bipolar wants me to apologise.  The Facebook messages, the tweets.  The reason I can't even bring myself to reply because I can't face the questions and I can't face having to explain where I have been.  I am embarrassed.  Ashamed.

Through blogging I made some commitments that I have not kept.  I made promises I have broken.  But, most importantly, I have made great friends.  Friends that I have completely cut off.  I am sorry.

Bipolar is pretty horrible but please don't be scared of me.  I am fine.  More than fine.  

If you need any help or advice regarding bipolar or any mental illness please get in touch with MIND