Oh Mrs Lister, where have you been all my (blogging) life? I have found you and your wonderful Q&A post via the lovely NotSupermum. I so wanted this to be a real Q&A for the Guardian - I even thought about interviewing myself on tape and then typing it up, but that really is a bit too egotistical, even for me.
So which group am I in then? The "get the frig off my screen, you screaming loony" bunch of people or the "I'm on my way down to yours with 3-for£10 bottles of wine, you screaming loony" type of person? Read on to find out...
So which group am I in then? The "get the frig off my screen, you screaming loony" bunch of people or the "I'm on my way down to yours with 3-for£10 bottles of wine, you screaming loony" type of person? Read on to find out...
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Which living person do you most admire, and why?
My boss. She has vision far wider-ranging and diverse that I have ever seen from anyone.
When were you happiest
Christmas morning, 1986. I received a red and black boombox and my own set of front door keys. I had truly grown up.
What was your most embarrassing moment?
There have been SO many but you can decide which is more embarrassing out of these two:
1. When I first met my husband we literally had nowhere to go to be erm... *cough*amorous*cough* so we used to sneak off down a little country lane near where I lived, get down on it and then he'd drive me back home again. One evening, heading to drop me back off again, he went to pick his friend up. His friend's first question was, "Why are there muddy footprints all over your dashboard, eh?"
2. After a few more *cough*amorous*cough* moments I found out that was 'with child'. Fast forward a few months to the actual act of giving birth. I was having difficulty bearing down so the midwife told my other half to gently push me head forward to assist my body with the process. He was a little too enthusiastic which caused me to say, "GET. YOUR. FUCKING. HAND. OFF. MY. HEAD. I. CAN'T. FUCKING. BREATHE!" I like to think it was the Entonox talking...
Aside from property, what’s the most expensive thing you’ve bought?
It's a toss up between my beautiful five-ring, double oven cooker (which we bought in the January sales, then had to find a house to fit it in) or my brilliant squashy black leather suite (with a 7 ft settee).
What is your most treasured possession?
My mum's engagement ring and a folder full of her writing prompts. I don't actually hold much materialistic value to any of my possessions but I do have an under-bed-drawer full special items (no, not that!) that are family keepsakes and heirlooms.
Where would you like to live?
Ibiza.
What’s your favourite smell?
The seaside.
Who would play you in the film of your life?
Demi Moore or Julie Walters.
What is your favourite book?
I have a bookshelf at home with 101 books on it. None are real classics but they are all my stock favourites. If I had to choose one book from that shelf to read as a comforter it would either be Stories of Grandmother Oma or The Time Traveller's Wife.
What is your most unappealing habit?
Shouting when angry. And I mean really shouting. With the occasional slamming of a door too. Just like a petulant teenage.
What would be your fancy dress costume of choice?
I have made amazing World Book Day costumes (Exhibit 1) but I am stumped when it comes to me. I went to my own 80s themed birthday part as a human glitterball once but I think the best idea is straight out of a Jane Asher book. Simply, a plastic tube placed in a top pocket - "The Last Straw". Subtle and clever - just like me.
What is your earliest memory?
I think I have mentioned this before somewhere so stop me if you've heard it. I was three years old and my parents were packing up the house ready to move. Mum had taken the curtains down and had promised that I could help "whitewash" the windows (to help with privacy). I ended up falling asleep on the settee and when I awoke the job had been done. How awful that that's my first memory? You'd have thought it would have been something like my sister being born or my first holiday, but no, feeling crestfallen is my earliest memory.
What is your guiltiest pleasure?
Reading in the bath. What? Well, I'm not admitting to anything else...
What do you owe your parents?
Probably a couple of thousand quid but I believe that debts are written off after ten years if the claimant doesn't chase up, is that right?
To whom would you most like to say sorry, and why?
To a certain lady for ripping off her cheque book back in 1991. I'm not writing her full name here - she'll probably hunt me down and set dogs on me or something. I had a bloody good two weeks though and had that signature down to a tee.
What or who is the greatest love of your life?
My family.
What does love feel like?
Butterflies
What was the best kiss of your life?
Is it good that I can't single just one out?
Which words or phrases do you most overuse?
"Whatever"
"Fuck off"
"Good morning, [insert name of company here]. Nickie speaking."
What is the worst job you’ve done?
Waiting tables at an Italian restaurant and take-away in Kirkham when I was 16. I couldn't carry plates on my arm and the coffee machine completely baffled me. It was one of those that you scooped real coffee into a metal spoon and attached it to the machine and then you heated and frothed milk by sticking a the jug under a tube. The only good thing about that job was the fact that the chef made me the best garlic bread to take home with me.
If you could edit your past, what would you change?
Absolutely nothing. My past has made me into the person I am today. Now the future... the future I can fix.
What is the closest you’ve come to death?
Forgetting to breathe whilst on morphine. On two separate occasions. I now have to be very closely monitored if morphine is administered now. There was also the time I got knocked over by a car. A friend told me at college a couple of weeks later that she thought I was dead because a passer-by covered my head because it was split open and bleeding. She had been scouring the local papers for my obituary.
What do you consider your greatest achievement?
Getting this far in life. And surviving.
When did you last cry, and why?
October 16th 2010. I fell off a table, bruised my right leg from top to bottom, bruised both my knees and possibly broke my big toe which still isn't better yet.
How do you relax?
Silly, silly question. With wine and Twitter. Or tap dancing (without the wine).
What single thing would improve the quality of your life?
Money. And lots of it. Yes, I am that shallow.
What is the most important lesson life has taught you?
Whatever you do, always make sure there is blog fodder!
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Tag Team:
Michelle - because she's not who you think she is
Kairen - for being DM Queen
Scottish Mum - who I have only just discovered exists
Sophie - who is my Gok (with cocktails).
Claire - for being mouthy