Bacon, Sausage, Egg (Toast Optional)

*beep be-be-beep. beep be-be-beep*
Text: gonna b late i will make ma own tea

Oh hi, love.  You're early.  Dad has left some sausages out for you.  Do you want some of this bacon?
Ok then.  Use the grill to start cooking everything.
You have to turn it on you know?
That knob at the side.
Turn it towards you.
And now the other one.
It might be easier if you put the sausages where the ridges are and the bacon on the flat bit.
Use a fork then.
Don't wander off.  I'm not keeping an eye on it.  Do you want the bread leaving out?
Yes, you can make eggs on that grill.
Well, I'll help you then.
Get the butter and the eggs.  Oh and get a plate too, you know, then you're not arsing around in a minute.
A spatula.
A flat metal scoop thing.
In the big drawer... yes, that's it.
Turn your sausages and bacon or they'll burn.
Make a space and put a bit of butter on there.
No, not that much.  You're not baking a cake!
Now, crack the egg against the side of the grill and carefully br... Oh!
Well, if you open the shell from that height it's bound to splatter all over the place.
No, the dog isn't having that one.
It's egg shell.  Why did you think it was going to be hard to open?
Yes, it was always going to fall out at that speed.  It's called 'gravity'.
Get stuffed!  I'm not going to finish it off for you!  Get the spatula and flip it over.
Slide it under it.
See, it's not difficult, is it?
Check your sausages and bacon again.
Everything done now?
Well you should have thought about toast earlier.
Don't forget to clean the grill.

Reader notes: He is 17 and has never learnt to cook properly would rather walk to the chippy than actually cook for himself.  We left him a freezer full of ready-meals and a jar of money when we went to Benidorm without him last summer.