This meme is like nits

This meme is like nits - you'll do your utmost best to avoid getting it but receipt is inevitable over and over and over again...

Gee, thanks for tagging me, Simone.  How will I ever repay you?
*looks up hitmen on*

Just look at that work of art grotesque monstrosity.  Could a blog badge actually look any worse?  Well, apart from the dancing kitten (*vomit*)  actually, I think it could - it could be flashing yellow and blue on a red background so I thank God for small mercies.  On the other hand, feel free to hunt down Jill who created the badge and the meme in the first place!

As with all memes there are the bloody "rules".  Yeah, I'm yawning too but I think you get a Chinese burn or an ear-flick if you don't comply.

1. You must proudly display the absolutely disgusting graphic that I have created for these purposes (put it in your post, you don't have to put it in your sidebar, I think that would seriously be asking too much). It's so bad that not only did I use COMIC SANS, but there's even a little fucking jumping, celebrating kitten down there at the bottom. It's horrifying! But its presence in your award celebration is crucial to the memetastic process we're creating here. If you need a higher resolution version... I totally have one!!

It's displayed but you've probably scrolled past it by now.  Think yourself lucky, or go back to the top to check.  Either way, it's burnt onto my retinas now and I know for a fact that you can't un-see things.

2. You must list 5 things about yourself, and 4 of them must be bold-faced lies. Just make some shit up, we'll never know; one of them has to be true, though. Of course, nobody will ever know the difference, so we're just on the honor system here. I trust you. Except for the 4 that you lied about, you lying bastards! But don't go crazy trying to think of stuff, you'll see by the example I've set below that we're not really interested in quality here.

  • I was given a jail sentence for my fraud conviction
  • I was in the same nightclub on the night that Steven Gerrard allegedly assaulted the DJ
  • I can juggle with five balls
  • I have danced with Flava (the poor mans "Diversity")
  • I broke the British record for the Womens 100m sprint whilst at high school

So, which one is true?  You can guess in the comments section.  Or not.  I'm not really arsed.

3. You must pass this award on to 5 bloggers that you either like or don't like or don't really have much of an opinion about. I don't care who you pick, and nobody needs to know why. I mean, you can give a reason if you want, but I don't really care.

This is where the whole blogging community winces and sucks air in through their teeth.  No fucker wants this.  The lucky recipients are the people in my Google Reader who have the most unread posts because I can't be arsed reading their drivel am so behind with my reading (so shoot me!):
Emma at Me, The Man & The Baby
Pippa at A Mother's Ramblings
Marylin at Soft Thistle
Becki at Pelvis, Interrupted
Sarah at Bliss Bubbley

4. If you fail to follow any of the above rules, I will fucking hunt your ass down and harass you incessantly until you either block me on Twitter or ban my IP address from visiting your blog. I don't know if you can actually do that last thing, but I will become so annoying to you that you will actually go out and hire an IT professional to train you on how to ban IP addresses just so that I'll leave you alone. I'm serious. I'm going to do these things. Starting with the 5 of you I'm about to pass this award on to.

Yeah, yeah, warrevah *flicks the V's*