A Weight Off My Shoulders

Lone study is hard.  Really bloody hard.  I have been slogging away at this Open University degree now for two years, as well as working full time and dealing with all the pressures that come with everyday family life.  For the first time in recent years I have just had to admit that I can't do something and it makes me want to cry.  I have emailed my tutor to ask if I can substitute an assignment.  It's the final assignment of this course and I have a four hour exam looming (I may be asking you to join hands and send collective positive thoughts on the 15th October).  I have used the online calculator to see if I can substitute this assignment and still pass the course and *drum roll* yes I can.  I need a minimum of 40% in the exam.  As soon as I clicked "send" on that email I heaved a sigh of relief.

I got thinking that I don't need this type of pressure.  I didn't sign up for it.  I hate lone study and I'm finding it difficult.  Up until a few weeks ago I was really happy with it all but I've hit a wall.  I promised myself that after this module I would take a break from it all (until February at least).  I have so many ideas for writing projects that my head is spinning and I think that is what is blocking the "academic flow".  Plus, having the least inspirational tutor in the whole of the Open University doesn't help much.  I've been consoling myself with the fact that he is the tutor for just this course and that the course was only ten months long.  There are too many occasions this week where I have just wanted to chuck it all in and give up completely.

I wrote a blog post earlier this year that sort of describes how I felt every day.  I've also had people comment that they don't know how I keep all these balls in the air all the time.  Well, I'm not keeping them in the air any more.  I'm dropping some and I don't want to fall off that tightrope completely and plummet to the floor.  I think a lot of this has to do with a minor major cash-flow crisis this month and the fact that it's taken a lot of sorting out.  Plus I am also having to wrestle with the decision regarding job security over salary.  It will always be the former as I have a lot of loyalty and respect for the company I am employed by but it would be nice, just for once, not to have to budget or worry about the price hike in bills compared to the non-existent pay rise.

Sorry, enough of me moaning.  Normal service shall resume almost immediately.  Feel free to give me a virtual boot up the arse and leave any revision/exam hints and tips in the comments section because I am seriously cacking myself about the exam that is looming.

PS.  I almost entitled this blog post "Dropping A Ball" but that would have encouraged all sorts of undesirable Google hits, don't you think?